Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
