I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
