I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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