my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
