I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
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Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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