Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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