9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
