It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
