The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
foreskin is a definite game changer
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
