We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
