She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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