Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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