So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I party with great urgency now.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
