Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
BRING THE BAGELS
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
