just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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