I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
