Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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