if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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