just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
