Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
