When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
