He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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