my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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