You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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