fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
