This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
