She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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