I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My breath smells like gin and sadness
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
