I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
