Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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