1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
