I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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