So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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