Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
