): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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