All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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