we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
