Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
