She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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