Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
