It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
