there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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