Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
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We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
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Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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