Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
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Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The uberlube is also flammable
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You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize