Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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