but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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