I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
