My sheets look like a crime scene.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
