Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
