i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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