Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
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Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
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he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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