I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
People in love make me want to vomit
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
