Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
