ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
