the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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