I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
