Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Randomize
