I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
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Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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