My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
