Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
