I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
