Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
