No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
