Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize