I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
as a side note pls kill me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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