I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
