Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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