come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
