He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
