Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
