so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
