I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
