Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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