Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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