I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
