we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
