two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
