He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
