Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
