There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
