You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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