Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
