your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize