The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
