I hate all girls vehemently.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
