new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
